Pulling into the station

December 29, 2004

Anyways, I told you that story to tell you this one... In one of the year end articles on MSNBC (yes, I do read the real news, too), there is a sub-headline "Even J.Lo only gets married once a year," right next to a picture of my favorite and yours, Mrs Britney Spears Alexander Federline. Liz Taylor is applauding both Jennifer Lopez and Britney - finally, more divas to join her in the quest for the most weddings!

But back to the yearbook project and Ms Merrill. What the hell were they thinking making her our history teacher? She can coach cheerleaders til she pees her pants with glee, but really, she sucked donkey balls as a teacher. It's crazy how the three cheerleaders in our class all got A's and yet never turned in their projects. Meanwhile, I'm over in the corner wanting to stab them all in the eyes with the slivers of purple soap leftover from my stupid ship project. (What was up with that, by the way? We all had to bring in a bar of soap for this project in class. Don't even remember the point of it. But mom and I were po' and all we had was some kids soap that someone had brought for the daycare. So while everyone else brought in their white Ivory soap bars, I had me a purple grape scented bar of Dial or something. Just so you know, my boat sank, but it turned the water purple and all those bimbos got their white boats tinted purple. My bar of soap crumbled and I had all these slivers of soap in my pocket.)

What was my point again? ... Don't think I had one, actually. So I'll tell you another story...

That same year, our school district decided to get all involved in that "no violent mascots" bullcrap. Our mascot? Thor, the mighty Viking. Yes, Thor, ripped with muscles, was plastered everywhere at our school, broadsword in hand. The school board started this campaign to change the mascot. Being the cracked out, half stoned group that we were, the newspaper staff decided to get a petition going for a complete revamp of the school - name and mascot, paint job, the works. Phil was the mastermind, but it was my flour-sack baby that inspired him. (Side note abou that... For parenting/child development, we had to do the traditional 10 lb flour sack baby thing. Only I decided to load up one of my old Cabbage Patch dolls with bb's. His name was Calvin and he wore a Harley Davidson pleather jacket. My baby was the baddest baby in the school. And he could hold the door open for you. My mom still has Calvin and yes, he is still used as a doorstop. Back to the story.) So the year before, Calvin and Hobbes had gone and retired. Phil was broken hearted. When my flour-sack baby arrived in the newsroom, Phil decided that we needed a fitting tribute to his favorite strip of all. And so it began... We were going to become the Watterson High Hobbes. Our mascot would be a beat up tiger, with a short freshman as his sidekick. The petition was passed around and we eventually turned it in to the school board.

What happened, you ask? Well, Thor was ushered out and the school's mascot is now... a Viking ship. Yes. A ship. Thankfully, I didn't go to Mission. They went from being the Warriors to being the Bells. And you know that we had to tease them - their big bad football team, the Belles... But we would have rather have been a tribute school to one wicked comic strip.

I'll see if I can find Calvin this weekend and see if he'll pose for you. He's a badass bald baby.

A trip back in time... stopped here at 3:06 p.m.

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