Pulling into the station
December 01, 2004
Since my favorite place to bitch about customers is not co-operating, I'm going to do it here. You don't get to see most of my Customers_Suck rants, so this is just a little preview of my normal bitch-n-moan sessions:1) If I ask you if your delivery address is a RESIDENTIAL or a BUSINESS and I explain to you that we need to mark the package if it's a business address so that it can go on a business-hours delivery truck... It might be a good idea to NOT tell me residential and then call me up screaming when Fed Ex can't deliver your package because it's actually a business address and you're closed when they try to deliver. I warned you. Now you've got to go over to the Fed Ex station during their hours to pick up your ghetto T-Shirt. Buzz off.
2) Boasting that you work for GM, Lockheed Martin, or the President himself will not make us rush your package. So don't waste my time and the delivery company's time by putting your company name on your HOME delivery address. It actually makes you look kind of pathetic. I mean, unless you actually run Lockheed Martin out of your den. But I doubt it.
3) When I ask if you're prepared to write down your order information (total and confirmation number), don't say "Yes!" only to stop me halfway through and say "Hold on, I don't have a pen." Did I not just ask if you were prepared?
4) Know your name. Please.
5) When I say "No, sorry, we don't take Discover card," I really mean it. Oh, you're a Fancy Pants Super Gold Discover Card Holder? Let me go check if we can run that... oh, sorry, WE DON'T TAKE DISCOVER. Period. I don't care if you're Jessica Simpson or Donald Trump, I can not take a Discover card.
6) And when you tell me that fine, you'll use your MasterCard, don't give me your Discover Card. I know better. Discover Cards start with a 6. MasterCards start with a 5. I may not be right there in front of you, but I know that you're trying to get me to take that Discover Card. Again, we don't take it.
7) Could you maybe be a bit more specific when you call up to place an order? "I'd like to order a T-Shirt" is fine, but just know that I'm going to ask you which one. And when you say "that white one I saw on your website," there is a 50/50 chance that I am just going to hang up on you. We carry over 1000 items, 30% of which are T-shirts, and about 80% of THOSE are white. I'll be happy to look up the item number if you can provide the name or even a description of the design.
8) While we're at it, don't assume that I know what size you want either. I'm going to ask you for the size, like it or not. So there really isn't a need to get all huffy and pissy and slam the phone down. If you'd like, I can randomly pick a size and just send it to you. But of course, I'll mark your order as "NO RETURNS/EXCHANGES" so you'd be stuck with that XSmall shirt for your XXXL husband.
9) When we're not here to answer the phone, please do not leave the following message: "Why the hell aren't you fuckers ever there to answer the GD phone? Iswear to God {insert name here}, these people must not care about their customers... *SLAM*" Also, you might want to check your timing. We're not here at three in the effing morning. Try calling during business hours.
That should just about do it for now. The new girl got her first Sale-Hunter today and she even tried to strangle the phone. I'm so proud! I'll make a disgruntled CSR out of her yet!
Breaking Up - July 20, 2006
Chugga Chugga Woo Woo - June 14, 2006
Dammit.Janet. - May 31, 2006
Zee Tee-Vee - May 25, 2006
Tra-la tra-la - May 07, 2006
Some things are better left unsaid. Obviously, these are not those things.
pattianne
janitor-x
nibbleofcorn
supermom3604