Pulling into the station

November 08, 2004

Pilgrim Woman: John, what are all those people doing here? And why are all those Indians gathered around?

Pilgrim: Actually, they're lined up for flu shots and we ran out. Oh, oh. That Indian woman has been waiting in line so long she passed out from hunger and hit her head on a rock, and now she is talking to a lawyer.

Pilgrim Woman: Maybe we better feed them before the crowd gets ugly.

Pilgrim: Good idea.

Later, gathered around the dinner table, another Pilgrim approaches the Native American.

Pilgrim: Say, it is good to see you redskins here.

Native American: Indigenous People to you, honky.

Pilgrim: Right, indigenous redskins. I've always been a good friend to your people. Remember me on Election Day. I'm running for head witch hunter. Say, Mr. Whistler, why don't you draw a picture of me with Red Cloud here? We'll call this a photo op. And lets get the Missus in here. Is she your squaw?

Native American: This is Gladys. She domestic partner.

Pilgrim: Right, well, remember me on Election Day. Say what's that Glad Ass is smoking?

Native American: This tobacco. We call it cigar. You want try?

Pilgrim: Maybe later. A cigar eh? That's a pretty good trick, for someone as indigenous as you. I bet we could take this invention and turn it into something really useful, like lung cancer.

Native American: White man speak with forked tongue.

Pilgrim: Why do you people talk like that?

Native American: Suggest you drop articles and prepositions like we do. Save lots of grief for English students in future.

Pilgrim: Given the quality of our public schools, it will probably happen anyway.

Native American: Say, this good turkey. You probably have some left over tomorrow. Why you not take leftover turkey, put it between two slices of break, eat it that way?

Other Pilgrim: Say, that gives me an idea. Thanks, Red Cloud.

Native American: That Bill Quizno go far with ideas. Dinner about over? It getting late, much work to do tomorrow.

Pilgrim Woman: Say, why don't we take tomorrow off? It's Friday anyway.

First Pilgrim: You know, this all gives me a wonderful idea. We ought to gather and do this again next year, and every year. We could meet right here. This is a great place for a feast!

Native American: Looking around. Actually, this is great place for casino. We call it Rohnert Park.

Turkey Story stopped here at 4:11 p.m.

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